Questions you Should/Shouldn’t Ask Every River Guide

River guides love telling stories. We love stories that make us laugh, stories that make us learn, and stories that make us look inward. Exaggerated details, extensive hand gestures, the Dramatic Pause, and a sharp punchline. We love telling good stories and bad ones, and we love listening to them, too.

So, we put together a list of questions to ask (and some questions to avoid) on your next river trip to ensure you share a few good laughs, lessons, and reflective moments with the people, and the place.

QUESTIONS YOU SHOULD ASK EVERY RIVER GUIDE:

• “What inspires you to work out here?”

You should never hear the same answer twice. If you get a generic answer without personal value attached, I suggest you dig a little deeper or request a new guide.

• “What is the most epic true story you’ve ever heard?”

For a guide, re-telling a good story is almost as good as actually being there. Almost.

• “If you could give your childhood self one piece of advice, what would it be?”

This question prompts some killer exchanges between guests and guides. Most of the best advice I’ve ever received comes from these flat-water chats.

• “What’s your favorite river?”

More often than not, the answer will surprise you. Unexpected rivers and unconventional reasoning might convince you that an objectively “best river” does not exist.

QUESTIONS YOU SHOULD NEVER ASK A RIVER GUIDE:

• “So, what do you want to do with your life?”

Or any version of that why-don’t-you-have-a-real-job question. The answer is most likely right in front of you, oars in hand.

• “Has anyone ever died here?”

Usually asked while floating above a big rapid. Do you really want to know?

• “How often do you shower?”

Do you really want to know?

• Any questions about politics, ever.

Take a break and enjoy the scenery.

(BONUS TIP!)

3 EASY WAYS TO KEEP IT SIMPLE ON THE RIVER:

• Leave your phone at home.
• Leave your phone at home.
• Leave your phone at home.